Bald. Since 2001.
I’m not aging well. This thought usually occurs to middle age men as they examine their receding hairline in the store windows just before they purchase the red convertible they’ll sell exactly one year later. However, this thought has been on my mind since I was nineteen – not because I’m particularly vain; but because that’s about the time the hair follicles on my scalp decided to close up shop. This fact alone doesn’t necessarily bother me, and I honestly don’t get up in the morning and think to myself “well, another bald day.” However, it’s hard to forget when I’ve had a steady stream of onlookers who feel the need to comment on the situation atop my head on a near hourly basis.
It’s amazing how little decorum people observe when it comes to this subject. Obesity? Wouldn’t dare. Acne? Never noticed it. But the second a bald guy walks in the room everyone is immediately free to comment on the one malady that has apparently been deemed socially acceptable for dinner conversation:
“Do you shave your head? Or are you bald?”
I shave my head because I’m bald.
“Have you tried Rogaine?”
Have you tried tact?
“Well, at least you have a nicely shaped head.”
Yes, and at least I’m not hunchback. But thanks.
And my personal favorite? The people who insist that I have hair; that all I need to do is give it a chance to grow. My mother is the ringleader in this category – every time I see her, she laments how I could have a beautiful head of hair if I would just let it grow out. Here’s the thing about being bald – the hair doesn’t grow. I’m not doing this for fun. I would rather not have my head reflect the flashes in photographs better than most mirrors. I could go without the Mr. Clean jokes for just one day. Really. I could.
But, this is the head I was given, and so me, my bald scalp and my freakishly large eyebrows descended on Korea, a country chocked full of kids who love talking about my exposed cranium. You would think they've never seen a bald person before; kids gather around my desk at break times and have recently taken to petting my scalp, asking me questions like "did you ever have hair?" and "when will it grow?" I can’t get through an hour of class without some cute munchkin somehow finding a way to incorporate a recently learned vocabulary word into a sentence about my hair malfunction.
Me: Who knows what “glow” means?
Kid: Teacher’s head glows with no hair.
Me: Good. Very good. I hate you.
And the kicker? In my Korean class this week we learned that there is one commonly used Korean word for both head and hair. The example my teacher came up with? Travis has no hair but he has a head. Because you know, it had been thirty-seven minutes since the last bald comment was made. Thanks, Pixie.
Comments
you needed to be watching the Oprah guys-only-with-Dr.-Oz episode (aired earlier this week). He specficially discussed that bald happens when some chemical in the body causes the hair to become fine & peachfuzzy. Rogaine & Propecia work because they counter whatever that chemical is - but only as a preventive measure, not as a grow back.
But you also missed the part where the women (watching the show from another room) all agreed that, on men, hair or bald doesn't matter. It's a bigger issue to the men than to women.
Personally, I see nothing to comment on. I will, however, compulsively rub your head cause it feels good to me. ;-)
I have this really crazy and messed up eye but I'm more relieved when people ask me about it then go on uncomfortably thinking about it for YEARS before they finally bring up the courage to ask about it.
If it was obesity or acne I would be angry they ask me about it, but with my eye I don't mind at all.
I don't know why I said all of that other then I thought it was odd. lol
I was at a dinner party this past weekend when someone said, "long hair on balding men looks awful.
Hmm, my entire comment didn't post. Let's try that again...
I was at a dinner party this past weekend when someone said, "long hair on balding men looks awful. Look how Greg keeps his hair nice and short. His hair looks good on a balding man." Geez, thanks.
I do notice that the barber is quite good, though, and sweeping the mirror around after a hair cut in such a way that it never exposes my bald spot.
Haha, we are on the same team. Yes, I know what you mean . . . I am bald, but I have always worn a hat . . . so I suppose I am one of those hat baldos. But do not worry, I do not wear a hat to cover my baldness, because I have a girlfriend who makes sure that everyone we meet know that I am bald. "Wade is bald!" "Do you know that Wade is bald?" she says to people before we even know their names. She thinks it is hilarious to also remind me that I am bald multiple times each day so that I do not forget. "You are bald. . . .